April 29

She’s ready. Release her. - Spirit says to my human self as I ventured the world of dating.

And yes, I was.

The woman in me used to shrink herself down to the level (that any one of) he was vibrating at. I matched him. A part of me always knew I was choosing to match. To shrink. To lower one or more of my standards. To diminish one or more pieces my worth and swaddle myself in their potential. His vibration resonated with this part of me that was crying out for healing. The part cultured to believe all that exists is a relationship in which you must accept less than. To embody the truth that “nobody’s perfect” in a way that means nothing more than to settle for a man you’re expected to raise.  For I am a powerful woman. I am smart. I am beautiful. But worst of all, I. Am. Strong. As. Fuck. So because I am a visionary, because I am intuitive, because I have done so much of my work, because I believe every relationship offers the opportunity to heal, I can see a fuller picture. I can carry more.

But. BUT…

I don’t think we are ever expected to stay nestled in spaces we outgrow. I refuse to believe I’m called to overcompensate for the work he’s yet to do. Yes, I have the capacity to heal. But that healing ignites because of the boundaries I draw not the weight that I carry. Martyrdom days are over. Each human must claim their own healing. Their own freedom. They must unleash their own potential. Every time a woman accepts less than on behalf of love, she abandons a piece of her fierce glory. It is only when we stop attempting to do the heavy lifting for others that we can truly offer them a chance to find their inner freedom. Until then, we’ve only prolonged the inevitable. Repeated the pattern. Coddled. And we will continue to relive this in every relationship until we choose ourselves. A man for me must have the CAPACITY to hold all of me. To WANT to hold all of me.

For on a journey like mine, eventually, you become so much of yourself, it is absolutely impossible to betray yourself. Your physical body won’t allow it. Your soul won’t allow it. Your mind won’t allow it. All the parts of yourself begin to rally — embodied soul alignment. They stand in unison saying, “Oh fuck no - We aren’t in that business anymore. If someone wants this, they will have to rise. They will have to level up or get out of the way.”

And so it goes. Onward and upward.